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Ivan Said:Out of control eight year old?
We Answered:Believe it or not, the child is screaming out for attention, negative, positive - any kind he can get. Look, just reading about your friend's story evokes a lot of emotion and your friend is an adult - who understands and can at least reason. When you are just 8, don't have your Mom, had to leave your home, have a father with disabilities, are now living in a new residence - WOW - lots of changes for a child. The biggest life stressors are change in home, change in family members, etc.
Just reading your long post, I can see the worry you have taken on yourself in the situation. Worried about the money, your friends depression, etc. Do not underestimate this child. He may not understand all these complicated issues, but he knows something isn't right. His lack of being able to understand only makes it worse. Plus, if your friend is that down, let's be honest - how much solid, positive parenting is this kiddo getting?
Now, I am not one of those advocates that overlook poor behavior on kids parts. Quite the opposite, I have a 9 and 10 year old and am ULTRA strict and also I work at an elementary school and demand the kids behave respectfully. But it will not happen overnight. Sounds like in this situation, things have been way out of control for too long.
To start, whether a child will ever admit it or not, a kid MUST HAVE structure. So your friend likes to stay up late - good for him. So do I, but I have kids and it doesn't always work. The child is 8 yrs old and should be in bed by 9 pm himself. If the next answer is "He is not tired" then the child needs to be awakened earlier in the morning. As much as I hate it..I am a late night person myself - I have to put myself to bed by 10 or 11, otherwise, I will turn my kids into late night people who sleep in all morning. (I am talking about summer break from school). I get my kids up at 7 or 8 AM. Hate it, it kills me and there is no need for it - other than to keep my kids on a schedule that is necessary for their development and well being. When a child gets up that early, they become tired naturally at 9 ish. It won't happen overnight - it takes a few weeks to settle into a new sleep pattern - but after a month or so it will work. That will resolve that issue.
Regarding his behavior - the child is screaming out for attention, some sense of security etc. Don't be so quick to jump and put the kid on medicine. Maybe consider it for the father if he is depressing, cutting himself and suicidal. No matter how tough life can get, we have to remember who is the adult and who is the child. Is an 8 year old expected to raise himself and fill his own needs when his mother is absent, his father is severely depressed and suicidal? This kid can pick up on it - yet can't reason with it and is scared out of his wits!
First thing in order is the father has to get it together. He has to strengthen his emotional being to step up to the plate as a parent. Then, the father will have a tough time undoing all the damage that has been done to the child. It does NOT happen overnight. It sounds like family counseling can be in order. My gosh - sending the kid away is like putting a dog to sleep because it annoys you. That will only further ruin this child's life. Can you hear him one day on a counselors chair saying "well, when I was 8 my Mom died, my Dad was depressed and couldn't deal with me, we didn't even have our own home - we lived with my Uncle and then they sent me away". It just oooooozes rejection, rejection, rejection.
I am not trying to downplay the sadness of your friend but this is a prime example of why people need to be prepared before bringing kids into this world. It is a broken, fragmented family. Very sad, very real, very tough. There are no immediate, fast fixes. That is what make it all the more scary. If action is not taken immediately, things will continue to get worse for both the father and the child. It breaks my heart to hear the desperation on all parties involved - including yourself.
I have to add if this is a friend that you are pursuing an intimate relationship with - be careful and go slowly. I would contact the childs school - most have a social worker on staff for the county or borough. Start there for direction on where to get counseling started. The boyfriend may benefit from an anti depressant to get his head in the game. I could go on and on for hours on all the things that need to be done, but the bottom line is the child needs "fixed" and he can't be fixed by a "repairman" (the dad) that is out of commission.
Parenting is tough, even in ideal situations where money is not a problem, both parents are healthy and present etc. But is is the duty and obligation of each parent, no matter what the circumstances, to step up to the plate and provide the best parenting possible - even if it means getting help through counseling. Sending the child away is not an option - it is a cop out. tough love is what it all comes do
Wanda Said:Deputy Officer without any College? I don't understand.?
We Answered:Standards are changing. New officers may have to meet requirements that officers hired 10 years ago did not have to meet.
Either way, education will help you when it comes time for promotions, or specialized assignments. Also, remember that meeting the minimum standards may not be enough to get you hired. Competition for those positions is fierce; you have to be the best qualified for the position in order to get it.
And there is something not right about your story about him and the military. If you are in the military, and you refuse to deploy, you get Dishonorably Discharged, and then you can't get hired by a police department.
Eduardo Said:can i get my hardship license?
We Answered:ok im from tx too but i got mine when i was 15 because i had a reason i had a baby you have to go up there and ask them and then you have to give them a really good reason to want to drive. well need. like a old grandparent you have to drive or anything like that/
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I wonder how could an eight-year-old be out of control? They are energetic during these time and it is so natural of any child to be so hyperactive. I think you shouldn’t be restraining them much.
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Thanks for this amazing piece of advice and I think you're correct. Every child asks for attention, he doesn't want toys or gifts, he wants to be loved and if you can provide that, you'd become a fantastic father/mother.
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